judgement

hey all,

something has really been on my heart lately. so i have no job [no this will not be a pity party this is crucial to the story] and i get no allowance so other than birthdays and holidays and odd jobs here and there im pretty much broke. Each week at church i go to the 930 service for highschool ministries, then the 1100 service our whole highschool ministry goes out to pizza. for this i bring five dollars. the change i have from lunch i put in the offering at the night service. well let me tell you. i dont always get a lot of change whether it be because i buy a piece for someone else or because i get a drink rather than the free cup of water. well anyway.... i sit there everyweek with the rest of the highschool ministry at the night service waiting for the offering basket to go by and not a single person will put in a thing but ill put in my 27 cents and i will be the one getting the dirty look from the ushers!! im sorry i dont mean to be mean to the kids who dont give anything thats their choice. i dont think the ushers should give them dirty looks either but to give me a dirty look for giving all that i have, i find that so awful. it really makes me feel bad about myself when i put in my spare change and get a glare as if im some lowlife just trying to make an obnoxious noise putting all the change i can in the bowl. this week all i could find in the bottom of my purse was a penny. so i put it in the basket cuz i figured a penny is better than nothing right? but no the usher yells at me and makes a rude comment looking at me and saying "ooo rough week? you really only have a penny?" this really hurt me because there were probably 12 adults [mostlikely with jobs] sitting next to me who didnt put in a thing. can someone please explain how this is rational because i truly sometimes think about not putting in what i have just because i have never given my change without getting a dirty look or a mean comment. why should i be the one yelled at?